This post isn’t poetic. It’s not wrapped in metaphors or cute affirmations. This one is gritty and honest—taken straight from the latest pages of my physical diary. If you’ve ever had one of those nights where your heart just hurts, you’ll understand.
“I hate feeling like this.
I hate not having control over my emotions.
I hate that I feel broken and damaged.
I hate that I feel so weak.
I hate that I’m not okay.
I hate that I feel like no one truly gets me.
I hate that I feel so alone.
I hate that I feel like I’m too much.
I hate that I feel like I don’t belong.
I hate that I feel like I’m not lovable.
I hate that I feel like I’m a burden.
I hate that I feel like I’m not worth the fight.
I hate that I feel like everyone will leave me.”
This is the stuff that builds up in silence. It never shows up in casual conversations or text replies. But it’s real. And it’s heavy.
“Why can’t I love myself?
Why can’t I be enough for me?
Why can’t I look at myself and not see a failure?
Why can’t I look at myself and not see someone who is too broken to be loved?
Why do I feel like I can never be good enough?
Why do I feel like I have to beg for love?
Why do I feel like I have to beg to be understood?
Why do I feel like I have to beg to be wanted?”
Those questions don’t come with answers. Not yet. But they spill out when everything inside gets too loud. When you’re tired of being “strong.” When you just want to feel seen without having to explain your pain.
“I want someone to see my pain and not run away.
I want someone to see my sadness and not shut me down.
I want someone to see my rage and not fear me.
I want someone to see my tears and not see me as weak.
I want someone to love all of me—the mess, the flaws, the rawness, the darkness, the chaos, the fire, and the beauty.”
That part? That was my truth bleeding through the page. Because I don’t want to be loved in spite of my pain. I want to be loved with it. Through it. Beside it.
“I just want to feel safe.
I want to feel loved.
I want to feel seen.
I want to feel heard.
I want to feel like I belong.
I want to feel whole.”
Simple words. Big feelings. These are the things we all crave but rarely admit out loud.
“I want to heal, but I also want to be held.
I want to grow, but I also want to rest.
I want to move on, but I also want to feel.
I want to be okay, but I also want to not have to pretend to be okay.
I want to be strong, but I also want to be vulnerable.
I want to find peace, but I also want to scream.”
This might be one of the realest things I’ve ever written. Because healing? Healing isn’t always about bouncing back. Sometimes, it’s about sitting in the storm and saying, “This hurts. But I’m still here.”
If you’re reading this and nodding, crying, or just breathing a little deeper—you’re not alone. I see you. These words weren’t just mine. They’re ours.
And if no one’s told you lately:
You are not too much.
You are not a burden.
You are worthy of love—even in the chaos.
Even in the quiet.
Until next time,
Just a messy, healing, beautifully broken soul learning to love herself one page at a time.
Scarlette Febles 
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