Sometimes, the most dangerous lies we tell are the ones we whisper to ourselves. Today’s post comes straight from my diary—another piece of me, torn out and laid bare for whoever is willing to see beyond the surface.
“The worst feeling in the world is feeling alone in a crowded room.
Surrounded by people who say they care about you, but deep down, you know they don’t.
You’re surrounded by people who make you feel like a burden and not wanted.”
I wrote those lines after smiling all day around people who never noticed my eyes were pleading for someone to actually see me. There’s something brutal about being invisible in plain sight.
“It hurts more when it’s your own family.
The people who are supposed to love you no matter what.
The people who are supposed to support you and never make you feel alone.
The people who are supposed to protect you and not tear you down.
The people who are supposed to check in on you and not wait for you to break.
The people who are supposed to be your safe space and not the reason for your scars.”
That part gutted me. Because we all grow up thinking our family is supposed to be our safety net. But what happens when they’re the ones you fall through?
“I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to be here either.
I want the pain to stop.
I want the voices in my head to stop.
I want to stop hating myself.
I want to stop feeling like a burden.
I want to stop feeling like I’m not enough.
I want to stop feeling unloved.
I want to stop feeling unwanted.
I want to stop feeling unimportant.”
There’s something terrifying about writing these thoughts down. But also… freeing. Like each word is a release valve on a bottle of pressure I’ve been trying so hard to keep sealed.
“I’m tired of pretending I’m okay.
I’m tired of crying myself to sleep.
I’m tired of putting on a smile and saying I’m fine when deep down I’m screaming.
I’m tired of being strong.
I’m tired of being the one everyone leans on.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m screaming into a void.”
These aren’t just dramatic diary thoughts. These are survival confessions. The truths we stuff away because they make people uncomfortable.
“I want someone to look at me and actually see me.
I want someone to ask me how I am and actually care about the answer.
I want someone to love me and not change their mind.
I want someone to stay and not walk away.
I want someone to fight for me and not give up on me.”
It’s wild how often we settle for “I’m fine” because we’ve convinced ourselves no one really wants the honest answer.
I’m sharing this not for pity—but for connection. For anyone else reading this who knows what it’s like to feel like you’re breaking behind a smile. You are not alone. You are not invisible. And you don’t have to keep pretending.
You deserve to be held, not just tolerated.
You deserve real love, not empty words.
You deserve healing, even if the journey is ugly and slow.
Until next time,
A soul still learning how to live, not just survive.
Scarlette Febles 
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