Hey everyone,
I know it’s been a while since I last posted. I honestly haven’t had the energy or the words to share what has been going on inside my head. Lately, I’ve been feeling really depressed, and I’ve found myself questioning something I think many of us struggle with at some point: What is my purpose in life?
The truth is, I’m tired. Tired of feeling stuck. Tired of feeling like I’m behind everyone else. Right now, I don’t have a job, and that alone has been weighing heavily on me. On top of that, my parents have been getting on me about a lot of things, and even though I know they care, sometimes it feels like another reminder of everything I haven’t figured out yet.
Then there’s love. That’s probably been one of the hardest things sitting on my heart. I’ve been questioning if I’ll ever be in a relationship. Sometimes my mind convinces me that maybe love won’t happen for me until I’m 60, if it happens at all. I know that sounds dramatic, but when you’ve been hoping for something for so long, it can really start to feel impossible.
I’ll admit it: I want love. I want a family. I’ve been trying to picture what my future looks like, whether that’s being in a relationship, having children, or even becoming a mom on my own one day.
At the same time, I’m still trying to build a life that feels meaningful to me. I’ve been thinking about going back to school for an MPH in Global Health because helping people and making a difference has always been something I cared about. Maybe that’s part of the purpose I’ve been searching for.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about motherhood. Possibly adopting two children in the future has been on my heart. My mom has encouraged me to consider adoption from Asia, saying there are opportunities there to give a child a loving home. But then my fears creep in. I think, “What if I’m too old already?” I’ll be 38, and even though part of me knows life doesn’t end at a certain age, another part of me worries that I’m running out of time.
I guess that’s where I am right now: trying to make plans while also feeling completely lost. Trying to hold onto hope while fighting the voice that tells me I’m too late.
Maybe life doesn’t happen on the timeline we imagined. Maybe some of us take the scenic route. Maybe purpose isn’t one big thing we magically discover — maybe it’s built little by little through the choices we make, the people we love, and the lives we touch along the way.
These are just my thoughts for today. Thank you for letting me be honest and vulnerable. Sorry I disappeared for so long. I’m trying to find my way back.
Hopefully, I’ll see you again soon. 🤍
— Shantel Febles
Scarlette Febles 
Leave a comment